1. Live by the Golden Rule. Jesus said in Matthew 7:12, "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets." Too often, we use this verse only to stop ourselves from doing something bad when really, it should be motivation for us to initiate good things. We all want friends but in order to gain friends, you must be a friend. How many times have you walked out of church or another social interaction thinking, "That person didn't say hi to me today." That other person is probably thinking the same about you!
2. Make the first move! Be the first one to be a friend--say hi and smile. Promote yourself. Hand out your name and phone number. I know that sounds crazy but it works! When we moved to a new town eight years ago, I was determined to not be stuck at home, lonely, with my toddlers and baby. I found someone with kids my kids' age at church and handed her a paper with my name and phone number. I said, "I just moved here and I need some friends, can we get together sometime?" I was scared to death but many of my lifelong friendships resulted from that one introduction.
3. Keep your door unlocked. Invite people to come over to your house--yes, even people that you don't know very well! Make your home an inviting, comfortable, relaxing place. (That doesn't mean it has to look like you have a professional interior decorator.)
4. Assume they like you and want to be your friend. Don't waste time wondering what they think of you and if they want to hang out again. Make the second move and ask them out to coffee or a play date with the kids. Be who God made you to be and don't worry about what others think! (As my husband says, "People don't think about you as much as you think they think about you. They are too busy wondering what other people think about them."
5. Be real. Be open and honest about who you are. We all have our talents and our faults. Don't be afraid to live life with your new friends and let them see the wonderful person God has created you to be. He is working on all of us and He uses us to sharpen each other. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." This also makes you and your home a safe place for your friends to be authentic.
6. Don't get offended. Assume that everything that new friend says or does is out of love for you. Don't take things personally! Never assume the worst--always assume the best.
7. Communicate! Don't just assume that you know what your new friend is thinking or that he/she knows what you are thinking. There is no such thing as overcommunicating! (Spell check even puts a red squiggly line under the word!)
It all goes back to that Golden Rule--Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. Be the kind of friend that you want others to be to you.
