Change. This word alone incites an array of feelings in different people. In fact, this word causes many feelings in just one person. When I hear the word, I feel both excitement and apprehension. I know it seems like they would be antonyms to each other but I have learned it is possible, however disconcerting, to feel both simultaneously.
Like most people, I find comfort in the certainty and predictability of my routine. Changing things in that routine is hard because it brings uncertainty and unpredictability. I balk at change. I know it's going to be difficult--and lets face it, we humans don't like to do anything difficult. You can see this through history and even the stories of the Bible. God asks someone to do something different and they argue, sputter, and test God until they finally obey Him. Take the stories of Moses, Gideon, the Israelites, Jonah, the Pharisees all as examples of us humans resisting change--and these are all changes being made by God himself.
Change is also exciting. It's new and we like new things. Sometimes I start feeling bogged down in my same routine, almost like my routine controls me. In these times, change can be refreshing.
Our family is going through a huge change right now. My husband has a new position as the lead Pastor of a church in Montana. So, we are in the middle of packing and moving from Washington, where we have lived for the past fifteen years, to Montana. We are saying goodbye to lifelong friends and our daily routine and I am feeling this mixture of feelings--excitement and apprehension. When people ask me, "How do you feel about this change?" I think I must give them a blank look as all of these feelings swirl around inside me. How do you answer a question like that? It's definitely not a one word answer!
The one thing I can say that I feel during this change with a certainty is peaceful. Yes, there is chaos, uncertainty, apprehension, and excitement all at different moments and sometimes within the same moment but blanketing all of these emotions is peace: Peace that I know we are on a path on which God has placed us--peace that I can allow God to work out the details. Through this whole huge life-change journey, I've been sitting in God's huge, loving hand and allowing Him to move me forward in His perfect timing. I watch the path in front of me shrouded in fog but revealed just enough to move forward one step at a time. I know, as I sit in his hand, that he's worked out all the details ahead of me, even though I can't see them yet. Peace. Our verse for this time in our life has been Proverbs 3:5,6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." We have truly seen God keep this promise to us and we are excited to see what lies ahead.
