Peace in My Sadness

A little over a month ago, I took a pregnancy test at home because I was feeling dizzy, hungry, sick, and well, pregnant. The test was positive but things didn't seem quite right so I made a doctor appointment right away. After several tests and a couple weeks of waiting, the doctor told me that it was a "nonviable pregnancy" and I was going to have an early miscarriage. Then, I just had to wait. When you know something sad, a loss, has a high probability of coming but it's not there yet, what are you supposed to do? Do you start grieving and grieve until the loss actually happens and then grieve some more when it finally does? Do you sit in fear of what might happen? Do you close back all emotions and just wait? Do you go about life as normal and pretend nothing is happening? Or do you dare to hope? Do you hope that the inevitable doesn't happen after all? Do you hope for a miracle? If you dare to hope, are you just setting yourself up for worse sadness and grief later? If you start grieving or feeling sad then does that mean that you don't have faith in God that He can heal?

I think if we have faith in God then we must believe that if He chooses, He can heal and He can stop the loss from happening. But we also must believe that He may choose, in His infinite wisdom, to allow us to experience the loss. In our humanness and in our finite knowledge we will experience emotions with all of this. We will experience hope, peace, joy, sadness, grief, hurt, heartache and that's okay. God created us to be emotional beings. We must not allow our emotions though to control us or to cause us to be angry at God for these things that happen to us. He knows what's best. He has a plan. Somehow, our sorrow and grief, our hope and joy, our peace through it all, fits into His plan. His plan, this time, was for this baby to join him in heaven and not be here with us on this earth. Even though that makes me sad for the moment, I trust God that this is for the best in His big picture of things.

As I go through this loss, physical discomfort, and the emotions and uncertainty of the unknown then my prayer is that God would be glorified through it. My prayer is that somehow, through my pain and sorrow, someone that is far from God, can be brought closer to Him. If that is how God chooses to use me, then despite my human emotions and physical discomfort, I am honored to be used by God.

I believe through times like this, I can become more Christ-like. After all, isn't that what Jesus did for us? He came to this earth to experience pain, discomfort, and loss so that we could know that He cares for us and relates to us. Hebrews 4:15 says, "This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin." Maybe God can use my experience of sorrow, sadness, or physical discomfort to help me relate to someone who needs to know that God loves them. Maybe I can be a light to someone that otherwise I couldn't have connected with. Only God knows and I choose to trust Him. I pray that in my sad moment, I can be an encouragement to someone else.

Recently, a friend shared some scripture when she was going through a hard time. She didn't know that I was going through a hard time too but God used her to encourage me. The verse was in Habakkuk 3 verses 17 through 19:

"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights."

The Connecting Challenge

We all want to connect with others. We all desire friends--people we can do life with. Making new friends as an adult though, seems more difficult than it was when we were kids. After moving several times in my adult life I have discovered some simple ways to make new friends and get connected into a community.

1. Live by the Golden Rule. Jesus said in Matthew 7:12, "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets." Too often, we use this verse only to stop ourselves from doing something bad when really, it should be motivation for us to initiate good things. We all want friends but in order to gain friends, you must be a friend. How many times have you walked out of church or another social interaction thinking, "That person didn't say hi to me today." That other person is probably thinking the same about you!

2. Make the first move! Be the first one to be a friend--say hi and smile. Promote yourself. Hand out your name and phone number. I know that sounds crazy but it works! When we moved to a new town eight years ago, I was determined to not be stuck at home, lonely, with my toddlers and baby. I found someone with kids my kids' age at church and handed her a paper with my name and phone number. I said, "I just moved here and I need some friends, can we get together sometime?" I was scared to death but many of my lifelong friendships resulted from that one introduction.

3. Keep your door unlocked. Invite people to come over to your house--yes, even people that you don't know very well! Make your home an inviting, comfortable, relaxing place. (That doesn't mean it has to look like you have a professional interior decorator.) 

4. Assume they like you and want to be your friend. Don't waste time wondering what they think of you and if they want to hang out again. Make the second move and ask them out to coffee or a play date with the kids. Be who God made you to be and don't worry about what others think! (As my husband says, "People don't think about you as much as you think they think about you. They are too busy wondering what other people think about them."

5. Be real. Be open and honest about who you are. We all have our talents and our faults. Don't be afraid to live life with your new friends and let them see the wonderful person God has created you to be. He is working on all of us and He uses us to sharpen each other. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." This also makes you and your home a safe place for your friends to be authentic.

6. Don't get offended. Assume that everything that new friend says or does is out of love for you. Don't take things personally! Never assume the worst--always assume the best.

7. Communicate! Don't just assume that you know what your new friend is thinking or that he/she knows what you are thinking. There is no such thing as overcommunicating! (Spell check even puts a red squiggly line under the word!)

It all goes back to that Golden Rule--Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. Be the kind of friend that you want others to be to you.

Crystals

Last school year we made chemistry science fair projects and presented them at the science fair one afternoon afternoon. What a crazy week we had but so much fun too! One of our projects was growing borax crystals. We put the saturated borax solution into three jars and then put one in the refrigerator, one in an ice bath, and one at room temperature. The hypothesis was the the one in the ice bath would grow the fastest and we were correct! Yay! I like it when that happens.

As we examined the crystals though, we noticed how the crystals that grew in each environment looked different from each other. The crystals from the ice bath were more white and dense. The crystals at room temperature were clear and we could see their geometric shapes a little more clearly. The crystals in the refrigerator were somewhere in between having some characteristics of each of the other crystals.

So, why am I talking about these crystals from a year ago? Thinking about our crystal project made me think about us as Christians. In some ways we are like these crystals. We all come from different backgrounds, different environments, and different families. Yet God created each of us and loves each of us. Even though our environments and backgrounds have shaped us all a bit differently, God has made us each beautiful and wants to use our unique traits. When we are all together worshipping Him and living our lives to bring Him glory, it makes a beautiful picture.

Find iPhone

Do you know that frantic feeling when you can't find your cell phone? You retrace your steps, look under furniture, dig through your pockets and purse, and you still cannot find it. This scenario happens way too often in our household mostly played out by myself. It reminds me of some stories in the Bible. For example the parable of the lost sheep or the parable of the lost coin. I think if Jesus had lived today and was telling a parable about the lost sheep it might be about the lost cell phone instead.

Since the garden when Adam and Eve sinned and hid from God, God has been searching for us. Beth Moore said, "God wired us to look for Him because He is pursuing us continually." I love that! Just like I pursue my phone using the awesome Find iPhone app that makes my phone beep for me until I find it--God is pursuing me. I am seeking God but He loved me first. God has done everything that He can to find me and have fellowship with me. He created an "app" that connects us continually. John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. He is pursuing me and has found me. All I have to do now is jump into His open arms and remember to stay there daily.

Change

Change. This word alone incites an array of feelings in different people. In fact, this word causes many feelings in just one person. When I hear the word, I feel both excitement and apprehension. I know it seems like they would be antonyms to each other but I have learned it is possible, however disconcerting, to feel both simultaneously.
Like most people, I find comfort in the certainty and predictability of my routine. Changing things in that routine is hard because it brings uncertainty and unpredictability. I balk at change. I know it's going to be difficult--and lets face it, we humans don't like to do anything difficult. You can see this through history and even the stories of the Bible. God asks someone to do something different and they argue, sputter, and test God until they finally obey Him. Take the stories of Moses, Gideon, the Israelites, Jonah, the Pharisees all as examples of us humans resisting change--and these are all changes being made by God himself.

Change is also exciting. It's new and we like new things. Sometimes I start feeling bogged down in my same routine, almost like my routine controls me. In these times, change can be refreshing.

Our family is going through a huge change right now. My husband has a new position as the lead Pastor of a church in Montana. So, we are in the middle of packing and moving from Washington, where we have lived for the past fifteen years, to Montana. We are saying goodbye to lifelong friends and our daily routine and I am feeling this mixture of feelings--excitement and apprehension. When people ask me, "How do you feel about this change?" I think I must give them a blank look as all of these feelings swirl around inside me. How do you answer a question like that? It's definitely not a one word answer!

The one thing I can say that I feel during this change with a certainty is peaceful. Yes, there is chaos, uncertainty, apprehension, and excitement all at different moments and sometimes within the same moment but blanketing all of these emotions is peace: Peace that I know we are on a path on which God has placed us--peace that I can allow God to work out the details. Through this whole huge life-change journey, I've been sitting in God's huge, loving hand and allowing Him to move me forward in His perfect timing. I watch the path in front of me shrouded in fog but revealed just enough to move forward one step at a time. I know, as I sit in his hand, that he's worked out all the details ahead of me, even though I can't see them yet. Peace. Our verse for this time in our life has been Proverbs 3:5,6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." We have truly seen God keep this promise to us and we are excited to see what lies ahead.

My Fight with the GPS

Have you ever argued with your GPS about which way is the best way to get where you are going? Recently, my GPS and I had our biggest argument ever! I usually listen and just go the way it's telling me to go but this time I knew what road I wanted to take and my GPS was insistent that I go another way. I wanted to take the main freeway and not the old back highway. The problem was, I was in an unfamiliar place and had no idea how to get to the freeway I wanted. I tried all sorts of tricks and finally used my iPhone. The whole time I followed my phone, my GPS kept "recalculating" and trying to turn me around. Finally, it looked like my GPS and phone were giving the same directions so I turned off my phone and started following the GPS again. By this time, it had been about a half hour ordeal and I was feeling quite triumphant that my way worked. Then my GPS took me right back to where the whole thing started. I was so frustrated. Angrily I waved the white flag of surrender and followed the dark back road which the GPS insisted I take. It worked out fine. I got home safely. If I had just followed the GPS in the first place, it would have probably been a faster route than my way.

How often do we treat God the way I did my GPS? We come up with the greatest plans. Plans that sound safe and make sense to us; but God presents a different plan. Instead of immediately surrendering and following Him, we debate, argue, connive, and try to make God see our point of view. We try to make God see why our way makes the most sense. We even try to go our way despite hearing God whispering or maybe even shouting to turn back around. For some reason, we forget that, just like the GPS has knowledge of all of the roads around us and where they lead, God sees the big picture of our life. He knows what's best for us even if we don't understand it in the moment.

The Bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV), "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths." The Message says it like this: "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track."

Following the Same Conductor

My husband recently took a business trip for six days. The kids and I missed him but we sort of fell into a different routine of things than normal. We were like an orchestra that was suddenly missing an instrument. We stumbled around for a day or so but then, like good musicians would, we changed the beat a bit and fell back into a rhythm of sorts.

I noticed, at first when my husband returned, we were playing to the beat of different drummers if you will. I had to step back a bit and let my husband take on the responsibilities that he usually carries. It always takes me awhile to adjust to this. It's like that musician jumps back into the orchestra still playing to the same beat as when he left and the rest of the orchestra is playing something different. We all regrouped, of course, and started playing our beautiful Geer family melody but it took some adjusting for sure--perhaps on my part more than anyone.

There are some things that my husband and I do to stay on the same page when he travels that I think help make this adjustment period easier and quicker. One thing that I do is I text or email him pictures and updates about the kids and I throughout the day. Now, of course this isn't a constant stream of information to the point of being annoying--I only do that when I'm really trying to make a point--but I give him enough to still feel connected with our normal everyday life. Another thing we do is talk on the phone every evening if possible; even if it's just a quick, "I love you, good night." The most important thing that we do is that, despite playing different songs or variations for awhile, we follow the same conductor. We stay close to God even though our routine has been disrupted. When we come back together, it's easier to get back into sync because we are both looking at the same conductor patiently moving his arms to the beat of the song. This is not to say that we don't stumble around a bit at first during the song change of course but because we've stayed connected, we can look at the stumbling with a bit of humor rather than frustration.

I love my husband and I love that we can stay close even when he's far away. Kevin, I'm so glad to have you home. :)